I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
