the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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