quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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