This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
