imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
