I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
