You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was born a porn star she said
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The air was thick with penises
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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