im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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