She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
