Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
