Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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