do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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