So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
