I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
