Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
