Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
