dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
