I bet he comes in French.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
