I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
