I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
