i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
