oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
