I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
