So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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