So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
