first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
