i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
