In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
