mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
