If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
