when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
