Well douche your snatch and let's go!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
