Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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