i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
