wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
