My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
