He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I met the friendliest cop last night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
