I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
someone owes me an orgasm
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
