hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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