This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
