so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
