If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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