But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
