Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
