I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
