I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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