I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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