three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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