i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize