I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
