No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
