The maid of honor just puked.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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