I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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