why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
