ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
