I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
