i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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