I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
