Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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