he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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