oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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