Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
