I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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