my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
