Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just gargled with NyQuil
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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