CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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