Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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