i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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