Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
