I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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