I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
organizing the empties. That sober.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
