Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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