got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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