dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
