It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
