I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
