Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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