just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize