I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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