why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
