I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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