I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
