Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
