I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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