We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
