So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
