he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
