He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
