Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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