I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
