i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize