bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
