I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
