Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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