I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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