I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm passing your future prison.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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