I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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