The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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