I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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