I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
