i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
