Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
