dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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