The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize